Gratitude

As my first addition to the blog, I have to express gratitude. I started writing this blog at 2:30 in the morning of February 21, 2010, exactly four weeks from my transplant. Four weeks ago to this hour the doctors were approaching some of the most challenging parts of the surgery. The liver had arrived from Hawaii but removing my liver was proving to be a little more difficult than they had anticipated. As I reflect from that time to this time I am overwhelmed with gratitude.
My gratitude goes to the Rose family. In their time of loss and grief, they took a few moments to think of someone other than themselves. I have had the opportunity to speak with both Jeremy’s mother and Jeremy’s wife. Our conversations were tender and heartfelt. They are genuinely good people. The Rose Family’s gift to me will be a gift I will think of and give gratitude for every day for the rest of my life. I choose to celebrate life because life can be cut short at any moment and because every day is a gift.
My gratitude goes to my family. These past four weeks have been an interesting four weeks. I have learned a lot about myself. First of all, I am sorry to admit that I am not as strong as I thought I was. I thought that I could submit my will to the will of the Lord and take whatever He wanted for me. That was true, “except for this”. There were times when I truly wanted to quit – I couldn’t do it anymore. Then there was my family. The children would show up two by two (that’s all that was allowed in ICU). Their faith and love gave me reason to want to continue the fight. My parents, and Tracey’s parents, and our brothers and sisters – they were all hoping and praying and many had made the commitment and sacrifice to be live donors. And always and always, through it all, there was Tracey. How could I not fight this fight when she has given so much that is important to her to me and to our family? I could not have done it without her contagious optimism, her love, and her encouragement. My family gave me reason to continue when continuing was not my desire.
My gratitude goes to the community. As a family, we cannot express enough gratitude to so many people. Your prayers on our behalf have been felt and have strengthened us. Every gift, every prayer, every note of hope, every ounce of faith, every encouraging word, and every expression, have been received and felt. It truly has been overwhelming. We had no idea so many people cared. Your expressions will always be remembered. I told Tracey it is like going to your own funeral and then getting to live again to see and live among all those people that said all those nice things about you.
My gratitude goes to Kay and Kathy and to Tracey’s sister Lynn. I will forever be grateful to Kay and Kathy for all they have done in taking care of the business. I know them well enough to know that their plates were already full before I added my portion. There is never a complaint, only support. Tracey’s sister Lynn has spent a month away from her responsibilities in Ohio to come and help care for me. She is trained as a nurse and I don’t know what we would have done without her. I know it seems ridiculous that two people are required to take care of me but it really is a full day for all of us to do everything that needs to be done.
My gratitude goes to the Lord. He has provided the miracles, the strength and the example. The miracles include the decision of the Rose family to designate me as the recipient of Jeremy’s liver before I would have received a liver through the normal system. Usually you have to be days away from death before you receive such a gift. While in the hospital, I saw individuals try to come back from that state of such poor health. I have come to understand that there are very, very few people who receive the blessing that I received. My recovery has gone remarkably well because I was not required to go into such poor health. Another miracle that was given was the condition of the liver. Jeremy was in excellent health and was strong. His liver functioned inside of me from the moment they connected it. My liver functions have been normal for the first time that I can remember (over 20 years at least). This perfectly performing liver is after a more traumatic hit to the liver than is normal. Normally, they like to transplant after the liver has been out of the body for 6-8 hours. Because of the trip from Hawaii and the complications in getting my liver out, Jeremy’s liver was out of a body for 13 hours – considered to be pushing it before the organ deteriorates. Regardless, when the liver was placed, it immediately functioned beautifully and is considered to be a liver in excellent condition. These two miracles have saved my life. I do not know why I received these miracles. However, I do know that God is a God of miracles and that He performs miracles in all of our lives that are appropriate for us. I also have come to better understand the atonement. At one point I remember suffering one man’s suffering and wondering if I could do it. My thoughts then turned to the Savior. How did He do it for all of us? I cannot comprehend.