Nurse Hatchet and Her Sister

Meet Nurse Hatchet and her sister. At 9 am and at 9 pm they come at you with what I call the two against one attack. They bring needles, thermometers, pressure cuffs, finger stabs, gloves, alcohol swipes, more needles, and of course, the boat load of medications that make you gag before they all go down. After the medications go down they keep you right on the verge of nausea until the next twelve hours rolls around. Nurse Hatchet and her sister record everything. They want to know things that you shouldn’t have to tell. They want to know if you are burping, if you are passing gas, if you are peeing, and if you are pooping. Before the surgery I don’t remember having to share that information with anybody. I thought it was personal.
Not only that, Nurse Hatchet and her sister make you get out of bed when you don’t want to get out of bed. They make you walk when you don’t want to walk. They make you do this breathing exercise that fills your lungs and causes pain to your rib cage and your abdominal muscles. They make you drink more water when the water tastes like metal. They make you eat when you have no appetite. If there is tape attached to any hair, they love to pull it off. In fact, the more sensitive the area the more they delight in ripping the hair out by the roots. Then they go off and do their “women talk” and laugh and giggle. If the doctors are recommending some torture for you, you don’t want Nurse Hatchet and her sister to catch wind of it because that becomes their new area of focus. If some is good then more has to be better. Oh, and when you ask for more pain medications, their favorite thing to say is, “It’s not time yet”.